Preparing or Repairing

Every Day You're Either Preparing or Repairing: What That Means for Your Marriage

There’s a quote I heard a few days ago, from John Maxwell,  that’s stuck with me:

 “Every day, you’re either preparing or repairing.”

At first, it hit me like a leadership mantra. But as I look at the season I am in and the life I have lived, the more I realize how dangerously true this is for relationships.
Especially marriage.

Because here’s the truth:

No one drifts into a great marriage.  Yet, it’s very easy to drift out of a great marriage.
You either wake up and intentionally invest in it…
Or you wake up one day realizing you’re doing damage control.

You can’t expect your marriage to thrive if you’re only focused on it when something is broken.
You can’t live on autopilot and then be surprised when your connection is dead.
You can’t put off hard conversations and wonder why trust is eroding.

Preparation is what you do before the storm hits.
Repair is what you’re forced to do when you've ignored the warning signs.

And too many couples live in repair mode—apologizing again, reconnecting again, trying to undo what could’ve been prevented.

So what does “Preparing” look like in Marriage

Here’s what preparing your marriage actually looks like:

• Checking in when things feel fine
  Not just when it’s tense or distant. Ask, “How’s your heart? Are we good?”
  
  

• Pursuing your spouse on purpose
  That means planning date nights, leaving notes, affirming them—even when you’re tired.  ON PURPOSE is key.
  
  

• Having hard conversations early
  Don’t let resentment stack up like unpaid bills. Call it out. Work it through.
  
  

• Getting help before it's on fire
  Counseling isn’t just for crises. It’s for growth.
  
  

• Praying together regularly
  Not just for each other—but with each other. It builds spiritual connection.

 What Happens When You Live in Repair Mode

Living in repair mode looks like:

• Constantly apologizing for how you “didn’t realize”
  
  

• Disconnection grows

• Putting out emotional fires with your spouse or kids
  
  

• Reacting to the drift, instead of preventing it.  You will react often vs. responding.
  
  

• Saying “we’ll work on it later” until later becomes too late
  
  

And here’s the thing: repair is harder than prepare.

It costs more. It hurts more. It takes longer.
But it’s also not too late.

 Action Steps: Prepare Today So You Don’t Have to Repair Tomorrow

1. Start a weekly marriage check-in.
   Ask each other: “What’s one thing that would make you feel more connected this week?”
   
   

2. Schedule intentional time.
   Even if it’s 30 minutes. Protect it like your job depends on it—because your marriage does.
   
   

3. How are you showing up:                                                                                                Ask yourself, “Am I giving the best of me to my spouse—or just the leftovers?”
   
   

4. Pray over them today.
   Doesn’t have to be fancy. Just raw. Just real. Just together.
   
   

5. Name one area you’ve been ignoring.
   Now do something about it—today.
   
   

Marriage is a battlefield, a garden to be tended, and a covenant all wrapped in one.  You have to pay attention.

You can’t fight for it only when it’s falling apart.
You can’t tend to it only when the weeds show up.
You can’t honor it only when it’s easy.

Every day, you’re either preparing or repairing.
So ask yourself: Which one did you do today?

Now… Go prepare.