The Strength of Your Marriage Isn’t Built in the Big Moments
It’s Built in the Daily Deposits
Everyone loves the big moments. The anniversary trip to Hawaii. The fancy date nights. The Instagram-perfect vacation photo with the hashtag #MarriageGoals.
Those moments are great — but let me tell you something you might not want to hear: your marriage isn’t built in the big moments. It’s built in the ordinary, everyday deposits you make when nobody’s watching. Every day, you make choices and decisions that impact your marriage. Marriage doesn’t die in the big moments, and it won’t be strengthened overnight.
The Myth of the Grand Gesture
We buy into the lie that a huge gesture will erase months of neglect. Or twe weeks of “better” behavior will make all things ok. You think, “If I book the expensive getaway, she’ll forget I’ve been emotionally absent for weeks.” Or, “If I write one sappy post on Facebook, he’ll feel loved again.”
But your marriage can’t survive on occasional fireworks. It needs a steady flame — and that fire is fueled by the daily choices you make.
What Are Daily Deposits?
They’re simple acts that say: “I choose you — today.” Things like:
Look your spouse in the eye when they talk instead of staring at your phone. No more “phubbing” your spouse.
Asking about their day — and actually listening.
Sending a text just to say, “I’m grateful for you.” “I can’t wait till you get home!”
Doing the dishes when it’s not your turn.
Praying with them before you both crash into bed. This one is vital!
Asking “How can I best serve you today?”
These may not feel heroic. They won’t go viral on Instagram. But those small, consistent actions build trust, security, and connection like nothing else.
Big Moments Without Daily Deposits = Empty
You can have the biggest date night of the year, but if the other 364 days are filled with neglect, criticism, and emotional distance, that one night won’t save you.
Marriage isn’t a sprint — it’s a long-distance run, it’s a marathon. And the strength to finish isn’t found in a single burst of energy, but in the daily steps you take. Picking on the men for a moment, your good behavior and big gestures after years of emotional neglect will not bring healing. Too many men I know stand there in shock when they feel they have strung together a few good date nights and solid behavior for a month, and wonder what she still has walls up.
Why Daily Deposits Matter Now More Than Ever
We live in a culture that glorifies the highlight reel and ignores the hard work behind the scenes. But real marriages don’t thrive on filters. They thrive on faithfulness — in the unseen, ordinary moments.
Time is short. Pressure is real. Distraction is everywhere. And the enemy would love nothing more than to see you coast through your marriage on autopilot until it falls apart.
Don’t wait for a crisis to wake up. Start today. Make a deposit — even a small one. If you make deposits, you can make withdrawals over time.
Practical Challenge for This Week
Every day for the next seven days, make at least one intentional deposit into your marriage. Do it now. Put it on your calendar and set an alert!
Text your spouse a compliment. Speak gratitude out loud. Hold their hand for no reason.
At the end of the week, look back and see the difference it makes in the tone of your home.
