Distraction Is Divided Devotion
We live in the most “connected” yet disconnected generation in history—phones in our pockets, notifications on our wrists, calendars that never sleep. It drives me crazy.
The truth that no one wants to admit is this, and it’s what we are seeing in marriages everyday:
Every distraction you tolerate in your marriage is a trade-off in devotion.
If your attention is divided, your devotion is divided. And divided devotion slowly erodes intimacy.
We often tell couples at our Bootcamps that you don’t drift into connection, but you quickly drift into disconnection. And this is because we have divided devotion. Go out to dinner and look around you- distracted and not connected. It’s true that couples don’t fall apart overnight. They slowly drift. One glance at the phone while she’s talking. One more late night at the office. One too-tired “I’ll pray with you tomorrow.” None of it feels like betrayal, but where does it lead?
“You’re not cheating on your spouse with another person. You’re cheating on them with your schedule, your screen, your hobbies, your career, your friends.”
That’s what I mean when I say “Distraction is divided devotion.” You can’t give your spouse your whole heart when half your heart is scrolling through Instagram or replaying emails in your head.
I was recently teaching at a church and I gave them this scripture as we talked about drift in our marriage.
Hebrews 2:1 warns, “We must pay much closer attention… lest we drift away.”
Drift is the silent killer of marriages. Distraction looks harmless, but it robs you of the first fruits of your time, attention, and affection. It slowly replaces pursuit with convenience, tenderness with toleration, intimacy with co-existence.
You must recognize that we are all doing this right now, myself included. Everything and everyone is asking for my attention and devotion. If we are going to move from divided to devoted, it starts in our relationship with God. You and I must be single-hearted, with no other “first loves” or anything that will distract us from our true love. Pause- and examine where you’re at in your walk with God.
How do we move from distracted to devoted:
Name your distractions. Work, sports, hobbies. Being “busy” is not an excuse for being distracted.
Give your “first fruits” to God, next your spouse, and then your kids.
Be present. Practice undivided attention. Put the phone down and look them in the eyes.
Pray together daily!
Protect what is sacred. Date nights, family time, and your time with God. Fight for it!
I am writing this from experience. If your devotion is divided, your marriage will eventually be divided too.
God didn’t call you to a distracted love — He called you to a devoted love.
Because every healthy marriage is built on this decision:
“My devotion will not be divided. You get my first, my best, my focus — because that’s what covenant love looks like.”
-Javier
