Don’t be a hoser

When I was in junior high, I called my friends "hosers," which was basically calling them losers. I picked it from a movie in the late '80s; I can't even remember which one. I don't use that term anymore, but maybe I should bring it back.- hmm.

For the context of this blog, I am not calling you a loser nor saying you are one. But maybe you are a "hoser" because you have firehosed your spouse- shot them down with your words, extinguished their feelings or emotions, or tried to take control. If you have done this in your marriage, you are a fire-hoser! Me too! I'm a not-so-proud member of the HAA Hosers Anonymous Association.

You're likely similar to me in that it's easy to listen to my wife all while I am forming my defense and building my case to prove to her that I was right or why my actions were justified. Guilty! When I do this, I am firehosing her feelings and telling her- that what you said does not matter. I invalidated her feelings.

I know I stand alone in this, but if you indulge me for a moment, maybe you can relate to this one. Imagine your spouse is standing in front of you sharing their dreams of what they hope for themselves and in your marriage, and your first response is, "Really? How will you do that? That will never happen!" Firehosing complete. Their fire has been put out, and you stand there alone.

In so many ways, we do this to our spouses; we firehose and don't even know it. We will talk more about how you can turn the firehose off this week, but for now- are you this spouse? Have you been guilty of this? Are you a fire-hoser?